The Dementia Triangle

The plateau lasted for three years, but that would finally come to an end.  We went to the doctor regularly, he took the dementia medicine that was prescribed, but all good things do come to an end.  Honestly, I never saw any benefit to the medicine at all. 

Dad began to speak gibberish.  Conversations before this point were perfunctory and repetitive, but they made sense.  At this point many times dad would just talk.  The talking meant nothing and made no sense.  This was the first sign that his days of independence were ending.  Then the phone rang. 

Seems that dad had gotten in his mind that he had a graduation party to go to.  So, he got dressed and walked down the street to the first house that had sound coming from the back yard.  He walked down the drive and right into the back yard, to the surprise of a family having a cookout.  There was initial confusion, but soon they figured out dad was not all there.  Fortunately, they knew dad from the neighborhood, so they tried to simply guide him back home.  He couldn’t help them with that.  They knew where he lived…vaguely but did not want to take the chance of leaving him at his front door, so they called the police.

I met the family and dad at his front door, thanked them for caring for dad, and went back into the house with dad.  He had no idea what was going on.  I knew then that the gig was up, and I needed to find him a memory facility.  So, I started looking, slowly.  A couple of months went by, and eventually dad wandered out again, this time to a house they did not know him, the police brought him home this time.  After the first incident, and now this one, the police were looking at me sternly.  It was time to figure something out.

To complicate these matters, dad had quit showering.  The only way I knew this was the smell, and by that time he needed a shower badly.  Strangely enough, dad acted like a child not wanting to take a bath.  He flatly refused.  He did not brush his teeth or brush his hair.  This was easily one of the strangest side effects of dementia, as I have found other people with the disease have the same issues.  This was difficult, as dad got violent when I would even suggest a shower.  This was not one of dad’s strange traits coming out, this was new, and it was ever stubborn.  So, with the police visits, and the fact that he was not taking care of himself, I knew that I had to get help.

Dad was sundowning, a “medical” term for someone whose dementia gets worse at night.  So why don’t I find a professional, a nurse or the like to stay with him at night.  After a bit of research, I found that as long as they were accredited, his long-term insurance would pay.  Win win!  Dad stays at home, and he gets the knowledgeable care he needs!

I did some interviews, and settled on a care giving company, one that would come in the evening and stay the night.  Little did I know what I was about to step into.